If I Fell in Love With You...

"If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand. Cos I've been in love before, and I found that love was more than just holding hands..." - The Beatles, If I Fell

 I should be working on something else entirely right now, but instead I've let my mind wander too far into someone else's heart and now I've gone and given myself this uncontrollable urge to write...

I have been in a lot of places over the last few weeks. Some of them are physical places, others are emotional and many are spiritual. I have been trying desperately to keep my focus on the road ahead, and yet there stands in my path a distraction far greater than I could imagine. You see, I created this blog because I am someone obsessed with the idea of falling in love. I am absolutely in love with falling in love.

And that is a dangerous path to walk down. Because then you become "That Guy" who goes from girl to girl without any sincere attachment to them. But that's where I believe most people are wrong, because to fall in love with someone requires you to place a piece of yourself within their heart. In doing that you form an attachment that is hard to ignore once it has been broken. Because when you fall in love with falling in love, you cause yourself to be shattered into pieces that you can never recover.

And yet still I continue to fall in love all the time....

But it isn't always in the way you expect. I don't fall in love with a girl on the bus or at work. In all honesty I don't frequently fall in love with people, but I do fall in love with pieces of them. With one's laugh, or another's smile, or maybe just the way someone says my name when she's annoyed with me.

Actually, I fall in love with the way a lot of people say my name when they're annoyed with me...

But the thing is, I fall in love with something about someone every day, and I fall out of love with those pieces to, especially when something new takes its place. The way one glares when I'm being sweet or how another dances when she's excited. Or when someone snorts when she laughs...

But I'm not in love with these people, just pieces of them, giving pieces of myself to pieces of others, showing them a love that they might never actually notice.


I rarely fall in love with a whole person, Because I've spent too much of myself falling in love with whole people who would just fall away and take more than I had given in the process.

...

And yet now there's you.... I fell in love with the way you carried yourself on the first day I saw you. And then I heard you laugh and I fell in love with that too. Once we were friends, every day I found a new piece of you to fall in love with, and I never realized it until now... But I fell in love with you quietly and without discovering why.

But I don't love you wholly, because that is something that takes more than watching from a far and pretending that I don't want to fall for you.

Then again, maybe I'm not pretending and I truly don't, because I know what love does to people.

It kills them. In the kindest and most beautiful way possible. 

And if I fell in love with you... Well that might just be the end of me all together.